aban_aqun | Exalted Plains

Bull doesn’t answer right away, but he does sit up more so that he can accept the food. He’s still groggy but becoming more clear-headed the longer he’s upright. And he remembers, with some mild shame, the way he’d leaned into Dorian last night.

“Thank you for your part in that,” he says as Dorian settles down. Bull isn’t sure how to articulate what that meant to him. “Did you sleep alright?”

He’s sure it can’t have been that comfortable to have a Qunari half on top of him through the night.

Dorian doesn't feel ashamed in the least, for once, though he's navigating things carefully just in case. Last night had been...something very different. For both of them. It's difficult to tell how the whole experience has settled for the Bull.

"Remarkably well, actually," Dorian assures, and takes a moment to dig into his breakfast. He's quite good at acting casual when he's really just burning to know where they stand. It occurs to him that he's never felt for anyone quite the way he does for the Iron Bull, whatever it is that means. It's only natural, he supposes. He's never become quite so close to anyone else in this way as he has to Bull. He's never had anyone who would happily be open about sleeping with him, let alone simply sharing a bed with him for months on end. It's resulted in a very particular sort of intimacy.

It's also occurred to him more than once that this must be very similar to what it's like to actually be in a relationship. Apart from them...decidedly not being in a relationship. That would be quite impossible, especially between the two of them. But he does care for Bull a great deal (far more than he should, probably, considering), and he wants to do right by him, and he's beyond happy that Bull had trusted him the way he did last night. Dorian has done some thinking this morning, trying to imagine what it was he'd done to put Bull in that state, to help him like he had. It hadn't taken long to follow the clues from similarities to Seheron. Who would Bull have been able to go to when he needed to forget things for a while, get out of his own head, and have the needs of both his mind and body safely cared for? The answer then becomes quite obvious.

"You're welcome, by the way," he adds, and puts down his utensils to place a hand on Bull's sizable bicep. "I'm happy that I could help. Truly. Honestly, I wanted to...to thank you. For letting me."

Bull doesn't know what to do with a friendship like this. He's never had one like this. The people he has sex with and his friends are, usually, in two entirely different categories. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy rarely go hand-in-hand, and never like this. It blurs all the clear lines that have defined his life for almost forty years.

He looks over at Dorian as the mage touches his arm. Bull nods to acknowledge Dorian's gratitude, though it feel strange to be offered that.

"I haven't-- I haven't had anyone to ask for these things in years."

Despite there being Qunari colonies on the northern coast, Bull has not been around an enclave of his people in a long time. He would never consider foisting his needs on-- anyone that isn't a tamssran, actually. But he had last night and Dorian had given him everything he could.

Dorian nods slowly in acknowledgement. He can imagine why, given the care that Bull always expresses with sex. "It must have been difficult," Dorian sympathizes softly. "To go so long without someone who could see to you like that. But I was happy to do it. I want you to be able to get what you need, too, from--" and here Dorian makes a wide gesture, encompassing both of them and the space itself. "--this." No better or more specific word for it, whatever's going on between them. He doesn't know, really, apart from that it is something, far more than he'd ever thought it would be.

Though Bull seems uncertain, Dorian ventures further, prompting for a little more information, to see if what he's supposed it correct. "It's the sort of thing you'd...normally see one of your tamassrans for, yes? Not many of those here in the south."

"Yes," he admits. He hasn't seen a tamassran in a decade at this point. He's been doing his best to take care of himself, to find outlets where he can. But it isn't the same as completely giving himself over to someone.

He looks over at Dorian and gives him a wan smile.

"I'm not used to things like this overlapping." Dorian has fulfilled so many roles that Bull doesn't know how to untangle them, and that feels dangerous somehow.

"Tamassrans take care of us, whatever that looks like. Sometimes it's just sex or someone to talk to, other times it's... more involved." As Dorian has now seen. That isn't even the most involved Bull has been.

"I don't exactly have experience with this either," Dorian admits with a sardonic little laugh. "Frankly, I've never slept with the same man consistently for this long." Let alone shared space with them daily. It's actually remarkable how well he and Bull have gotten on these last few months, despite Dorian's occasional petty complaints.

It's strange to see the Bull so clearly out of his element. Dorian hopes he hasn't caused him any stress this way. He slides his hand from Bull's bicep down his arm until he can interlace their fingers, something both conciliatory and reassuring in the gesture. He wants to be someone Bull can trust. "But that certainly wasn't any hardship for me, last night." In fact, he'd rather enjoyed it. Pampering Bull and then providing something he clearly needed had brought him a deep sense of satisfaction. "I'm no tamassran, of course, but I am happy to do those things, Bull."

Talking, sex, or...something more involved. He'd proven he was capable enough last night, hadn't he?

Bull squeezes Dorian's hand and looks down at where their fingers are laced together. He hasn't had such a regular partner either, and he definitely hasn't had anyone that he has been so physically and emotionally intimate with. Dorian has become too much, but he still wants more.

He leans closer to kiss Dorian's brow.

"I will try to remember that," he concedes quietly. It did feel good. It helped. And if he can't have a tamassran, maybe this is somehow a compromise he can live with. A faint smile ticks his scarred mouth.

"Definitely not a tamassran," he teases.

It's impossible not to smile as Bull leans down to kiss him, the gesture tender and fond. Impossible not to feel that in return, like a small, comforting flame burning in his chest. When Bull merely agrees, he feels lighter, relieved. He'd worried for a moment that Bull would tell him that it was a one time sort of thing, that the trust he'd shown last night only went so far.

His hand feels small in Bull's, as it always does, but somehow he feels as though it's him supporting Bull, for a change. It's nice.

"Definitely not," Dorian agrees, chuckling. "Rather too male and not Qunari enough for that. And I'd be terrible at raising children."

"Most tamassrans don't do all of those things. They specialize, like anyone else," he says with a wry smile, but Dorian is entirely right on one point: he's too masculine, and he would never consent to being identified otherwise. Bull finds he doesn't mind at all. He likes Dorian's masculinity.

Bull knows he should eat and focus on getting ready for the day, but it feels nice to just sit there with Dorian and ignore the world beyond their tent.

"Did you hear anything about where we might be off to?"

Dorian laughs again, and feels immensely happy with how easy that is to do around Bull, especially now. "Well, how should I know, when you call them all the same thing?" He jokes, unaware of Bull's specific appreciation of him, and leans a little into Bull's side, relaxing. They have the remainder of the morning to themselves. He's perfectly content to spend it curled up together like this, talking and touching. Connected.

"Across the river, I think. Lavellan wants to have a look at that fortress." What they'll find there is still a mystery, of course, so it's best to be prepared for anything. Especially, Dorian thinks, if Bull is still going to be having a difficult time of things. He resolves to keep an especially close eye on him.

With that thought in mind, he asks, "Is there something else I can do for you this morning?" A quick glance around the tent, trying to think of other rituals the Bull might find reassuring. His gaze lands, as it so often does, on Bull's chest. "I could help to refresh your vitaar?" He suggests. "Very carefully, of course."

Bull is quietly surprised when Dorian asks - more or less - to apply his vitaar. It's true, the pattern he's been wearing since they left Skyhold is flaking off, but-- he assumed he would take care of it when they got back. He doesn't need it, though it's uniquely useful.

He knows what will happen if Dorian should mistakenly touch it, but then... Dorian knows too, he imagines. Vitaar is not a secret in Tevinter, though, as far as Bull knows, it has remained a mystery.

"Do you have any dragonskin gloves?" he asks, thinking that might be sufficient to protect Dorian's skin in the event of dripping or splashing.

Dorian is, of course, well aware of just how sick he'll feel should even a drop of vitaar touch his bare skin. Which is why he appreciates the consideration, but he's already resolved to do it. He nods slowly. "The ones Lavellan had made at the same time as your pauldron." They're the same color, crafted from the hide of the first (and thus far only) high dragon their little group has killed, back in Crestwood. He doesn't wear them all the time, but often. They're usually along with him.

He's loathe to part from Bull and the easy comfort of their little half-cuddle for even this purpose, which is an utterly embarrassing instance of pure sentimentality that he should take care of immediately. He forces himself to slip his hand from Bull's and retrieve the gloves from his pack, and not to immediately draw close again when he returns. They don't have to be touching.

"You should prepare it, of course," Dorian suggests sensibly, though he's sure that Bull already planned to. "I'll take care of the application alone. I'm quite good at drawing shapes, so I should be able to recreate the pattern easily enough."

Bull smiles when he sees the gloves. "I'll prepare it outside. Best if I mix it in the open air."

He isn't particularly eager to leave their little nest, but Bull doesn't want Dorian exposed to even the fumes in a closed space. Bull turns slightly so he can get into his trunk and carefully removes a smaller, carefully secured box. He sets it aside for now, intent on finishing the last of his breakfast first.

"Do we have time?" he asks. Dorian mentioned a slow morning and Bull just wants to be sure. He doesn't want to rush any part of the process.

"We have plenty of time," he assures, and presses a kiss to Bull's brow just above the empty socket before he settles down beside him. "Lavellan doesn't intend to leave until the afternoon." Dorian had made certain of that this morning, when he wasn't sure how well Bull would be doing.

It feels good to look after him like this, especially when Bull is so often doing it for others--for Dorian himself, even. Pleased, Dorian reaches for his plate again to finish his breakfast.

"Tell me about the pattern," Dorian requests, nodding toward Bull's shoulders. "There must be a meaning?"

"Must there?" he asks with gentle amusement. "We use geometric patterns because they are meditative to work with. They represent natural patterns and structures."

Bull sets aside his empty plate and shifts to face Dorian more. He traces the long lines that end in diamond shapes that appear on each shoulder. "Growth, vitality." His fingers move inward toward one of the symbols on his chest. "Iron and earth, for strength," he quips with a dry smile. "A few marks that soldiers use for good luck."

He turns his arm to look at one of the more abstract patterns on his bicep. "These are just a pattern I saw once on a wall in Par Vollen. Might have been meant to represent the sea or a river, I don't remember."

Bull sits back and pulls the small vitaar kit closer. "They have meaning if you want them to have meaning. There are more specific patterns that you might use to differentiate between ranks in the army. Squares tipped onto a point with interlocking lines on the inside always represent the Qun."

Edited 2019-10-08 23:04 (UTC)

Dorian might have huffed that yes, clearly there must, but he becomes far too quickly absorbed in Bull's explanation, curiosity getting the better of him. He follows Bull's gestures from one set of patterns to the next, noting the way they interact with each other, how they follow the curvature of Bull's muscles. He's studied his vitaar quite a bit by now--and not only because he'd been staring at his shoulders or his back, thank you--but it's fascinating to learn the reason for each of the geometric designs.

It makes him feel closer to Bull to learn these things. It makes him want to draw close again, to trace his fingers along the same path that Bull's had just followed. Just as when Bull had recited the Body Canto to him in the Hissing Waste, the intimacy of these moments is utterly unique, and Dorian has to wonder yet again just how he ended up in this position with an actual Qunari spy.

"So you're permitted to choose what your vitaar looks like, for the most part? You didn't have a particular pattern for being..." Dorian hasn't truly forgotten the name--the title--but he takes a moment before he continues. "...Hissrad?"

"No," he answers with a faint, far-away smile. "The point of Hissrad is to go unnoticed. It's not something I should or would project through vitaar patterns, though there are patterns for Ben-Hassrath agents if they choose to use them. The Ariqun, the Viddasala, the Tallis. But the Ben-Hassrath outside of the northern territories are Viddathari and can't wear vitaar."

He knows some that have still painted the patterns on themselves like war paint. It is their right to do so.

"As Hissrad I choose patterns that suit me or that give information that I want given." He's already described the good luck symbols used by soldiers and the other symbols have broad enough meaning that anyone might find reason to use them. Anyone that knows how to read the patterns would have no reason to suspect him of being anything but a soldier.

"I suppose that does make sense," he agrees, and allows himself to reach out and trail his fingers lightly over the pattern on Bull's closest bicep. Everything the Bull is and does here in the south is a convenient cover for his true purpose, after all. Why should his vitaar be any different?

Well, not...everything. Or at least, Dorian hopes not. After the last few months, and the previous night in particular, he thinks he can say with confidence that he knows the man Bull really is better than most.

With his plate empty, Dorian picks up his dragonskin gloves in preparation. "Well, show me how it's done, then," he says brightly. "I'm certain this is to be a moment for the history books; a Tevinter Altus learning to apply vitaar for a Ben-Hassrath agent. There's something to keep the gossips occupied."

"If you ever want to kill your father, that story might be a good place to start to give him a heart attack." Bull eases up so he can leave the tent, carrying his kit with him. He moves away from their tent and toward one of the campfires still burning. He settles down a log put there for that purpose and carefully opens the kit.

For a moment, he sorts bottles and vials. There's a knife in the kit that he sets aside, then an empty glass bowl. He passes that to Dorian.

"To collect the blood," he instructs. Easier to do this part with two people. When Dorian is settled and close, Bull chooses a place on the inside of his forearm and neatly opens the skin. He holds it over the bowl, watching as it collects. When he deems there's enough, he plucks a clean cloth from the kit and presses it over his arm to stem the bleeding.

"Add the pigment powder," he says with a nod toward the black jar sitting nearby.

"Oh, is that not taken care of?" Dorian asks, affecting confusion. "I thought you were going to write him about our first night together." He chuckles at his own humor as they leave the tent together and make their way to a campfire circle, still smoldering with embers. He settles beside Bull, though not too near while he prepares.

The process is fascinating, if momentarily worrying. He's never actually watched Bull do this before, and thus had no idea that the paste was mixed with his blood. He'd assumed water, or...literally anything else, really. But Bull is so very clinical about it, barely reacting as the blood drains from his arm into the small bowl from his kit. It's clear he's been through this process a thousand times.

Only when bid does Dorian move closer, and though he itches to press the cloth against Bull's arm himself, he instead puts on his gloves and carefully picks up the jar Bull indicates. He removes the lid, finds a small wooden tool inside for dividing and measuring the powder. "Tell me when I have enough," he asks, and begins scooping small measures of the powder into the bowl.

Bull watches the pigment as Dorian measures it out. "That's enough," he says after a few scoops. Then he plucks a vial out of the kit and holds it up to the light. "Turn your head, maybe hold your breath," he warns Dorian. "Does't usually smoke or anything but sometimes the pigment reacts strangely."

He's pretty sure that means the pigment isn't as pure as it should be, but it happens rarely enough. Still, he isn't taking chances with Dorian. When he's certain the mage won't accidentally inhale anything, he dumps the vial of poison into the bowl. It hisses and foams, but does not splatter. He finds something to mix it with, carefully working it until the consistency is smooth and similar to a thick paint.

"Alright... should be fine as long as you don't get any on your skin."

Bull tries not to sound concern. The last person to ever help him had been Krem, and he'd covered himself up from head to toe, just in case.

Dorian moves well away as Bull adds the poison to the mixture, as far down the log they're seated on as he can, and turns away as he hears the concoction sizzle. Still, curiosity gets the best of him, and he ends up looking back again as Bull begins to stir. It takes a little time to become smooth enough for application, and Dorian can't help thinking about how dangerous it is for him to actually try this. The things he does for Bull, apparently.

With Bull's confirmation, he accepts the bowl in one gloved hand and reaches out toward Bull with the other, palm up as he waits for him to hand him a brush.

"Out of curiosity," Dorian says, far too lightly, "what would this poison do to me, exactly, if I were to get any of it on my skin?"

"Depends on how much. You might need to remove a limb before the poison spread, or you might die quickly and in a lot of pain. It's highly caustic and will... burn through flesh. The poison gets into your blood and that's the end."

Bull gives up the bowl and brush to Dorian and moves to sit on the ground so that Dorian has full access to his shoulders and his back. He'd seen reports of magisters testing vitaar on their slaves and experimenting with living Qunari prisoners. He keeps that to himself. Dorian is not those men.

"It'll be safe when it's dry."

If there's any left, Bull will bottle it or discard of it as necessary, but that usually means burying it. For now, he'll carry it with him.

With that question thoroughly answered, Dorian is careful to a fault as he handles the bowl of liquid. He thinks of the number of times he has passed his hands over Bull's body, over the vitaar painted across his arms and shoulders and chest. When his lips have strayed from the thick tendons of Bull's neck to the great slope of his shoulders, mouthing at those same patterns. He hadn't thought of it back then as poison. Once dry and hardened, vitaar is safe. Still, it is a sobering thought.

"Then I shall endeavor not to spill a drop," he promises gravely. As he dips the fine tip of the brush into the mixture, he says, "I'll start by refreshing what's already there. If you'd like anything new, I'll handle that afterward."

Dorian has a very steady hand, made so by years of learning how to sketch complex magical sigils and glyphs, where the wrong slant of a line or misplacement of a letter would mean a botched spell at best. As a result, he's very handy with diagrams, and with precise geometric shapes. It's a boon when painting the Bull's right shoulder, where even the designs with more sweeping lines follow exacting rules and measurements. He's careful to roll the brush against the edge of the bowl before lifting it so as not to gather any messy excess paint, and in that way, brightens the faded edges and cracks in the designs already present on Bull's skin. He's never drawn on a living canvas before, and almost unconsciously, he finds himself matching his breathing to the Bull's. If he were not so hyper-aware of the dangerous material he is working with, Dorian might almost call it soothing.

Edited 2019-10-12 22:23 (UTC)

The whole process seems rather soothing and meditative for Bull, too. Eventually his eye drifts close and his breathing is deep and even as Dorian covers old marks and renews the ones that have cracked and flaked off. It's not hard to see how a process like this could be ritualized, what it could do for both the one having vitaar applied and the one applying it. The only difference is that other Qunari need not fear a splash of vitaar.

"What do you think?" he asks after a while, once Dorian has moved on to his other side. He finds himself curious: this is not a small thing Bull is sharing and it is so thoroughly Qunari.

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