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A letter home [network sample]
Bull sits for a long time with his writing desk, contemplating the letter in his mind and the value of writing it. He takes a breath, dips his pen, and begins.
Tama -
He has to pause there for a moment, staring at the word on the page. He writes in Qunlat, the language she would be best able to read. He thinks of writing it in the common tongue for privacy, but it doesn't matter. She won't ever see this.
The assassins came today. I knew that they would and they were not as subtle as they should be to come for Hissrad. I know that they are a formality more than a real threat. I know that they are the Ben-Hassrath's official break with me. Tal-Vashoth. I know the reports and the words will hurt you, and for this I am sorry. I know that they will call me a loss. I know that you will feel responsible. I don't think this letter will ever reach you, but if it does, I want to tell you that...
Bull pauses. What does he want to tell her? Cole says that his pain touches hers, and the thought of his tamassran in pain cuts Bull deeper than the assassin's blade. What could he say that would comfort? Nothing, he thinks.
I'm alright. I'm alive. I am not Tal-Vashoth, Tama. I have theories about why the Ben-Hassrath would want to test my loyalty. There is part of me that wishes it had not come to this, but I do not regret. My boys are alive, my family is alive. I know that I will never see Par Vollen or you again, but I think I made peace with that a long time ago. I thought I would die in this place, far from home, and now I know that will be true.
I know that they will watch my offspring more closely, even the ones that are grown. I know that you will know how to find them. Watch them. Guide them. You did nothing wrong. I carry your words with me the rest of my life. Asit tal-eb, Tama. I can be nothing else but what I am. There is nothing to struggle against anymore. I will find peace.
He sits back from the desk and looks down at the letter. He thinks of the contacts he still has, the ones that risk everything to be in touch with him. Could they get this to her? Could they put it into her hands? Maybe it doesn't matter. He considers a long moment, then signs it.
Ashkaari
Tama -
He has to pause there for a moment, staring at the word on the page. He writes in Qunlat, the language she would be best able to read. He thinks of writing it in the common tongue for privacy, but it doesn't matter. She won't ever see this.
The assassins came today. I knew that they would and they were not as subtle as they should be to come for Hissrad. I know that they are a formality more than a real threat. I know that they are the Ben-Hassrath's official break with me. Tal-Vashoth. I know the reports and the words will hurt you, and for this I am sorry. I know that they will call me a loss. I know that you will feel responsible. I don't think this letter will ever reach you, but if it does, I want to tell you that...
Bull pauses. What does he want to tell her? Cole says that his pain touches hers, and the thought of his tamassran in pain cuts Bull deeper than the assassin's blade. What could he say that would comfort? Nothing, he thinks.
I'm alright. I'm alive. I am not Tal-Vashoth, Tama. I have theories about why the Ben-Hassrath would want to test my loyalty. There is part of me that wishes it had not come to this, but I do not regret. My boys are alive, my family is alive. I know that I will never see Par Vollen or you again, but I think I made peace with that a long time ago. I thought I would die in this place, far from home, and now I know that will be true.
I know that they will watch my offspring more closely, even the ones that are grown. I know that you will know how to find them. Watch them. Guide them. You did nothing wrong. I carry your words with me the rest of my life. Asit tal-eb, Tama. I can be nothing else but what I am. There is nothing to struggle against anymore. I will find peace.
He sits back from the desk and looks down at the letter. He thinks of the contacts he still has, the ones that risk everything to be in touch with him. Could they get this to her? Could they put it into her hands? Maybe it doesn't matter. He considers a long moment, then signs it.
Ashkaari